Disciplines of Engagement and Abstinence (Part 1 of 2)

In the Spirit of the Disciplines, Dallas Willard discusses two types of spiritual disciplines. The first type of discipline is one of “engagement,” which involves active involvement in a practice that can develop our desire for God. The second type of discipline is one of “abstinence.” This discipline includes all practices that require giving up some behavior. Most of the time, when we think of spiritual disciplines (if we think of them at all), the disciplines of engagement come to mind. These include practices like Bible reading and prayer, as well as less commonly practiced disciplines like serving the poor and celebration. Disciplines of abstinence come to mind less often and include such practices as fasting, meditation, solitude, and frugality.

Clearly, we need both types of practices. We need to add some things to our life that are missing, like the influence of Scripture and contact with God through prayer, but we also often need to take things away from our lives, such as spending less time online and allowing time for silence. If we never added anything, the presence of God in our lives would hardly be visible. But, if we never remove anything, our lives become full of chaos, noise, and busyness. Right now, take some time to consider what you need, engagement or abstinence, and I want to challenge you to spend some time this week in a practice that will build you up in that area.

Enslaved to Sexual Addiction

In the hopes of remaining relatively uncontroversial, I do not intend to make an argument against all pornography but instead want to focus on one particular issue where I do believe that a majority of experts recognize a problem exists. This issue is when pornography moves beyond a casual indulgence or a mere hobby and actually becomes an obsession. This sort of obsession with pornography has been characterized as sexual addiction.

So what is sexual addiction? Simply put, sexual addiction is a compulsive need to pursue sexual gratification, in a variety of forms, despite overwhelming personal cost. Sexual addiction is when someone goes beyond frequently viewing pornography and actually develops an unhealthy dependency on sexual release to cope with their situations. Addiction to pornography is one type of a sexual addiction, although sexual addictions can involve actual sexual encounters, fetishes, and multiple other ways of achieving sexual release.

A Definition of Lust

In order to have a common vocabulary, so that we can understand each other, I am going to offer up a definition of lust:

Lust: an imagined or real sexual connection with another person, object, or idea that causes emotional and relational detachment from others, from God, and/or from one’s self.

This definition should be freeing if you have lived under the oppression of a legalistic view of lust. Once you understand this principle, life becomes focused less on avoiding sexual desire and more on developing strong relationships. This definition highlights the opportunity that faces us all the time, regardless of whether we are sexually aroused or not. We always have the option to connect into a community rather than disconnect into lust.

Attraction to beautiful people can and will occur. We should not be afraid or ashamed of this attraction; it is part of our biology, how God made us. Lust is more than just this sexual attraction and is instead truly defined by the effect it has around us. Lust is about taking that attraction and making ourselves enslaved to the attraction, rather than using that attraction to open up our eyes to our emotional need for connection. 

The challenge that we are faced with is to learn how to see the world through God’s eyes: to see other people as persons to love rather than objects to be exploited; to see ourselves as spiritual beings rather than sexual beings. The goal is to be people who can depend upon healthy connections with God and other people in our lives, rather than receiving temporary comfort from disposable fantasies of and interactions with others.

Enslaved

Internet pornography tantalizes and captures the hearts and souls of countless men and women, young and old, ensnaring them into a relationship with the unreal. The un-reality of porn is glaringly obvious; it is a staged act among paid actors and actresses. Yet, to those who release themselves into the world of pornography, nothing could be further from the truth. In porn, the viewer engages in what they suppress at every other moment of the day: a passionate outpouring of lust.  Pornography becomes a portal that takes them away from their mundane and unfulfilling lives and into a world of unabated sexuality where erotic pleasure is limitless. 

Pursuing this alternative, lustful reality may for some viewers be a temporary retreat from the stress of living. There are many who have browsed their way onto a pornography site and enjoyed the visual stimulation for a few minutes before going on with their life. This is not the audience to whom I write. This blog is meant for those who go beyond the casual viewership of porn and have traversed into the bowels of the pornographic world. This is a blog for those who are slaves to porn.

My vision is: To see Christian men and women find freedom from pornography.
My mission: Integrating spirituality and psychology to provide a deep understanding that will release people from shame and to reveal clear pathways for people to transform their lives.